Today, Nintendo released some new information on Mario Strikers Battle League, including a free online demo, a tease of post-launch content, and the game’s opening cinematic. While I’m excited for the game, I just have to ask…
Nintendo, why does Mario kick like that?
I’ll be straight with you guys; I’m not athletic. Not in the slightest. The last time I played soccer, I was probably in elementary school, and I bet I horribly lost. So if I think Mario’s kick looks weird, it has to be really weird.
Why does his leg go so high? Surely, that’s awful for balance. I know Mario’s proportions aren’t exactly that of a regular human, but in a contact sport like soccer, he’s just begging to be knocked over. I’m not saying Mario needs to suddenly start conforming to the rules of Earth’s physics, but there has to be a more efficient way to kick, right? Some way where your legs don’t go over your head?
Look at Luigi. When he kicks, he keeps his leg at a reasonable height.
It’s a great kick! The ball goes right to Mario, who proceeds to point his right foot so far into the air that he almost touches the ball with his nose.
“But Charles,” you say. “This isn’t a regular kick. This is just a setup for a super fiery kick he’s about to do in the sky!” This is technically correct, but I have two rebuttals.
Firstly, Mario does this kick a lot, not just for his super move. In fact, every time you do a charge shot in the free demo, his leg goes way up behind his head. This hasn’t always been the case. Here’s what Mario’s charge shot looked like in past games. Both screenshots are taken from John GodGames on Youtube.
A charge shot in Super Mario Strikers for the Gamecube:
And a charge shot in Mario Strikers Charged for the Wii:
Don’t get me wrong. These are some high kicks. But this is his charged shot in the new demo:
His foot is way over his head. He’s basically doing the splits!
Secondly, this is no ordinary game of soccer. In the same opening cinematic, Donkey Kong and Bowser both grab the ball with their hands. So why does Mario need to resort to some wildly unbalanced kick to get the ball in the air? He could just grab it and punt it. He could throw it. He could probably even reach into his back pocket and grab a wing cap or propeller hat and fly into the air. But instead, he does this weird, wildly inefficient kick. Ridiculous, Mario. Ridiculous.
If you want to see the charge shots for yourself, Nintendo just released a free demo. Right now, all you can access is the tutorial, but at certain times from June 3-6 (listed on the demo’s store page), you can test the game’s online multiplayer mode. Just as it was announced in February’s Direct, Mario Strikers Battle League is still set to launch for the Nintendo Switch on June 10.
