Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, prospective owner of Twitter, and social media man-child has been in the news a lot lately. One of those reasons is a report that he allegedly paid an employee $250,000 in hush money to not mention that he reportedly sexually assaulted her. Another reason is that his madcap antics keep driving down the stock price of Tesla, which he had been using to pay for social media service Twitter, which he was seemingly buying because people weren’t laughing at his jokes enough. Now Musk is in the news for something not as horrifying as those other things but still funny: dude’s just real fucking bad at Elden Ring.
In a tweet posted on Monday, the man who paid a lot of money for people to call him the founder of Tesla took a picture of his Elden Ring equipment and it’s actually just really dumb.
So, one, his stats are just all over the fucking place. He’s level 111 and seemingly has not chosen to commit to either magic or dex yet and instead of trying to go with a hybrid he’s just…equipping weapons meant for both despite being massively lopsided. He also is carrying two shields, which is not a thing anyone does for any reason. There’s no actual reason to do this! Unsurprisingly, he’s at the heaviest roll, but says he will lower equip load if fast roll is needed, which is a lot like saying I’ll gain some muscles when I need them. You’re not getting to “fast roll” from Heavy Load on a whim there.
Second, why would a mage wear heavy armor? Why would a mage not have at least a medium roll? Why does he have the swords on the same hand as the staff? Who carries around three kinds of spirit ashes at once?
This is all before you get to his talismans, which is where the real crazy coaster begins. He’s a battle mage, but using Radagon’s Soreseal, a talisman that increases health, stamina, strength, and dexterity, but makes you take 15 percent more damage. That cancels out all the gains he’s getting from the heavy armor. He has the Green Turtle Talisman, which recovers stamina faster, but he is a mage. You only need fast stamina recovery if you’re rolling in to deal damage and then rolling away, a thing explicitly he can’t do because he packed up on too much crap otherwise.
The build is ultimately the kind of thing you make when you don’t really understand any of the underlying systems in the game but you just like seeing numbers go up. Which, you know, not surprising. Musk did begin the tweet thread saying he thought Elden Ring “is the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen.” It’s a sentiment we agreed with in our review. I do wonder, though, is that the same pickup line he would hypothetically use for flight attendants?
If so, it seems like it has the same level of success.
